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Classes Begin!
College Goes On Without Nerglha,
Bboc
Students returned to all the UFO College campuses with renewed
enthusiasm, even though many were troubled that both the College's
President and Dean of Students remain missing! "Life must go on, and so
must our UFO College education," said one student. "There are more
important things to contemplate than to worry about whether or not our
esteemed leaders are still alive. I'm sure Campus Security will solve
the case once they hire a few more security officers thru the
Unemployment Bureau! Besides, rumor has it that Monkeyman may get
involved in the case, and he'll find them -Dead or Alive!"!
This years enrollment broke new records once again, with the Freshman
class alone topping 8,556 students. Acting UFO College President, Jack
Muzun, was pleased that opening day went on without any problems, and
that all students received the room accommodations they requested.
Nerglha Abducted
Bboc May Be Involved
During an attack witnessed by over 5,000 student leaders attending the
"Get All Fired Up For Fall" conference at UFO College, President Robert
Nerglha was abducted by what appeared to be a UFO Mother ship of unknown
origin. A number of support UFOs surrounded the area apparently to keep
away US National Guard F18 Fighter aircraft that were scrambled to the
college in response to the incident.
Nerglha appeared stunned but unhurt as he was lifted
into the belly of the craft. He was heard saying, "It's a plot, it's a
plot," fueling speculation that somebody was out to remove him from
office. Rumors are circulating the campus that Phillip Bboc, also
missing, may have something to do with the abduction. "Just look at
Bboc's
e-mail address at the college and it becomes
clear that Bboc is behind the incident," shouted one student at the
crime scene.
Emergency measures are now in place with
Professor Muzun now serving as temporary president of the college.
Campus Security will be working on the abduction case as soon as they
return from summer vacation.
New Student Center Breaks Ground
Will Orbit Moon During Concerts
UFO College President, Robert Nerglha, oversaw the groundbreaking of the
newest of UFO College buildings -the New UFO College Student Center. It
will be the largest college student center ever constructed. "Not even
Donald Trump can out do us on this one," remarked one of the
construction workers at the site.
When completed the New UFO College Student Center
will measure nearly 1,000,000 ft, big enough to hold Dave Matthews and
Tool concerts! It will be capable of achieving a moon orbit during rock
concerts and other special functions held daily at the college. A
student casino will be included in the complex as it is in the present
facility.
The completion date is expected to be some time before the stat of the
Spring semester UFO College Beer Fest in 2002.
Bboc Memorial Planned
Will Dwarf Rushmore
UFO College Professor and Alumni Funds Director, Robert Gnortsmra,
announced this past week that a major drug company has offered to erect
a memorial to Dr. Phillip Bboc if the UFO College Alumni fund cannot
secure enough funds for the project. Mt. Bboc will dwarf Mt. Rushmore in
size, according to company officials. A preliminary design was sent to
College officials for review.(see above) The UFO College Community is
also being asked to submit additional ideas on what the Bboc memorial
should look like. Send comments and suggestions to:
bbocrock@ufocollege.com
Gnortsmra Uncovers Evidence
Bboc image appears in Northern Sky
UFO College Professor, Robert Gnortsmra, alerted campus officials this
past week of a strange likeness of Dr. Bboc in the northern evening sky.
An
e-mail message sent to UFO College by Gnortsmra said, "I believe if you
look into the northern sky at night you can see the image of Dr Bboc's
head. It is I believe the newest constellation."
"This may be the lead we have been looking for," remarked UFO College
President, Robert Nerglha. A picture submitted to image experts shows a
distinct likeness to the missing and presumed dead, Phillip Bboc,
formally Dean of Students of UFO College.
Donations are now being accepted to fund a Bboc rescue mission although
there is currently very little interest by students at the campus to
locate him. There is now $1.43 in the Rescue kitty and it is hoped that
more $ will arrive soon.
Noslo Develops Super Bug
Pentagon Orders 500
UFO College
International Scholar, Ken Noslo, is being credited with the development
of a military device that may one day eliminate the need for soldiers in
military conflict. The device, code-named "Bug", is essentially
mechanical in nature but contains DNA of the common insect known as the
cricket! It is 6 feet+ in length and can move at speeds of up to 50mph
while carrying 100 lbs. of armament. The "Bug" has performed beyond
expectations in combat tests held by the both the Army and Marine Corps.
Prof. Noslo said that the "Bug" can be produced
at a cost of $4.99 each, substantially cheaper than to train, feed, and
house a typical U.S. soldier, currently $150,000 per year. Congressional
leaders, in their excitement over the UFO College development, have
authorized the Army to purchase 500 for immediate use in the Middle
East. Noslo is expected to get the Distinguished Faculty Award at the
start of next semester.
Personal
Effects of Bboc Found
UFO College Underwear Launches
Search in Desert
Some of the personal
effects of Dr Bboc were unexpectedly found this past week in the
northern Arizona desert. Retrieved from an excavation site in the Big
Lake area, 20 miles from Alpine Arizona, were charred and blackened
items of personal nature, including UFO College issued underwear and
socks. Government authorities, believed to be from Washington, have
begun an extensive search of the area. They would not comment publicly,
saying only that there is an ongoing investigation, and that they do not
wish to start a panic.
A local resident and tracker, Flecher Manygoats,
said to the national media that, "there are some mighty small footprints
out there, and it ain’t rabbit"! Manygoats was then hustled away by
unidentified Government authorities.
Several hundred homes have also been evacuated in a 50 square mile
security zone around the excavation site which is now off limits to the
general public. No official government statement is expected on the
matter.
 Bboc
Vanishes
May Be Heading For Secret Planet
UFO Security
Officials have confirmed reports that Phillip Bboc, esteemed Professor
and Dean of Students at UFO College, has disappeared without a trace. He
reportedly vanished in front of 600 attendees at his UFO College
Distinguished Professors Ceremony where he was just presented a Bust of
himself (see pic above) to be placed in the College's museum. "He was
there and then he wasn't," according to one eyewitness.
Friends and relatives have also reported to investigators that Bboc had
been restless for several days preceding the ceremony and was often
heard murmuring, "I need something big, I need something big"! UFO
College President, Robert G Nerglha, offered little information as to
why Bboc vanished except that Bboc may have obtained a new secret map of
our solar system. He went on to say that the College community will
eventually recover over his loss.
The UFO College Board of Governors is now scrambling to replace Bboc
before the start of the next semester. If you have any information as to
his whereabouts please contact UFO College Security after the holiday
break.
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Recovery Site |
Prof. Phillip Bboc & Pres. Nerglha |
Dr. Phillip Bboc Returns Triumphant From
Archeological Dig.
Recovers Ancient UFO And Map!
Dr. Phillip Bboc, director of an
archeological dig in search of early UFO College documents lost since the
American Revolution uncovered perhaps the single most important evidence to
date that shows the UFO College campus was a thriving community in 1450.
Only 15 days into the dig, Dr. Bboc's team of
researchers pulled from the earth, at a depth of 75 feet below the new UFO
College administration building, a damaged UFO believed to be one of the
first UFO College classrooms, and a
visitor's map of the
campus. Although the map was tattered and torn it has been restored to near
original condition by the UFO College Document Restoration Department. The
UFO was in flyable condition.
The UFO College Board of Governors will be
awarding Dr Bboc a bust of himself to be placed in the Arts and History
Museum in recognition of his contributions to the College.
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Prof. Phillip Bboc |
Prof. Bboc shows Dr Nerglha spectacular
find! |
 Gnortsmra
Locates Old Campus.
Virtually Unknown Until Discovery!
Dr. Robert
Gnortsmra, the newest addition to the College faculty, shocked
the academic world this past month with his discovery of a
former UFO College campus on the planet Mars. The campus is
believed to be at least 500 years old. Leading a team of fellow
Faculty members to what now remains of the Old Student Center
and Casino, Gnortsmra acted on "a hunch" that the old Mars
campus existed because of documents he previously discovered on
his last Deep Space mission, funded with a UFO College grant.
The President of the College, Dr Nerglha, is expected to award
Gnortsmra the Distinguished Faculty Award when he arrives back
at the main campus next month. Gnortsmra has also expressed an
interest in heading up the UFO College Alumni Fund, an
appointment currently under consideration by the Board of
Governors.
 UFO College
Snags Youthful M.I.T. Prof.
The Board of Governors has announced the addition of a renown space
scientist, Dr. Robert Gnortsmra, to the College faculty. Dr. Gnortsmra, who
recently retuned from a 15 year deep space mission funded by UFO College,
has discovered over 1200 new alien languages in his infinite quest to
advance interplanetary communications.
UFO College Takes World Grand Prix
First Year Entry Finishes One
and Two
UFO College has again shocked the sports world with a slam dunk victory
at the renown 15,000 mile auto racing classic, The World Grand Prix.
Finishing first and second of 611 entrants were veteran drivers Jack
Muzun, and Dr Robert Nerglha, both sponsored by UFO College. The drivers
also happen to be Professors at the College, with Nerglha also serving
as the College President.
"The race was never even close," joked Muzun. "We never expected to
finish one/two because it was the first year the team was entered in the
competition. But, Pres. Nerglha saw to it that we had the necessary
funds to win and well, we did!"
Nerglha commented that this race was just a tune-up for a N.A.S.C.A.R
event, and that the Pit crews were now being assembled to compete in
America's most popular auto racing event. "You ain't seen nothing yet.
We won't be satisfied until we have the Winston Cup Championship Trophy
on our mantle," exclaimed Nerglha."
Jack
Muzun receives award from President Nerglha
The
Earth's first UFO Electrical Technology Degree was awarded this past
month to Jack Muzun of Connecticut's Beseak Lake region. The
esteemed Professor and UFO College President, Robert G Nerglha,
presented the Honors degree between rounds of good chat and imported
beer. Unfortunately, the honors recipient was removed by government
officials shortly after the ceremony began. ("Men-in-Black" arrived
at the awards ceremony in a government-issue Suburban, and are
believed to be financed by the secret but well known "black budget")
Mr Muzun has been designing and developing alternative energy
technologies since his first abduction experience back in 1977 while
camping at the La Jolla Indian Reservation in Southern California.
He has been regularly abducted ever since (127 recorded incidents at
last report) and as a result has learned a great deal about the
electrical technology of many different types of UFO crafts. The UFO
College honors degree was awarded concurrently with UFO College's
UFO Electrical Technology Award which will enable Mr Muzun to take
additional time to explore new UFO Electrical Technology recently
discovered at a UFO crash site near his home in Connecticut. The
amount of $$ Mr Muzun will receive from the award was not disclosed
except that he will receive $30,000 per speaking engagement at UFO
College. Dr. Nerglha said, "I can think of no better man or alien
who deserves this award more than Mr. Muzun and he will be a great
addition to our faculty and staff here at UFO College. Hopefully,
the Men in Black will see fit to release him from custody before the
start of classes next semester!"
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