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UFO College Faculty -San Diego Campus


 

See our B Movies Institute productions now showing on YouTube

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UFO College's "Aliens Attack"
wins prestigious MonkeyTV.com Studios
2007 Video Awards competition

View the Sci-Fi Thriller
produced by our B-Movie students!
(crank up the sound on your Windows Media Player)

"powerful, exhilarating, depressing -makes "War of the World's" look like child's play!" -UFOJournal.com

 


UFO College Snags Renown Gastronomist
 
See class description, menu, and Pics of our new Cafeteria and lounge. CLICK HERE

 

ALIENATED PRESS 
Immigrants Topple Gnortsmra
No Pay Causes Unprecedented Action

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thousands of Italian stone carvers took to violence this past week that some would say was long overdue. After working nearly 6 months on the Rushmore project (carving in the Robert Gnortsmra bust) without pay or a contract, the Italian Stone Carvers Union pulled its members off the project. Violence erupted as the unfinished bust was chopped away from the main granite structure. Unconfirmed reports said that over 158 bystanders were killed as the effigy toppled down the slopes. Gnortsmra had promised to pay the workers "a good salary" but his recent flight to Mexico has put that in doubt.
 

ALIENATED PRESS 
UFO COLLEGE RELOCATES TO MEXICO
Truckloads Of UFO College Campus Heirlooms
And Technology Head South Of The Border


Robert Gnortsmra announced the opening of a new UFO College in Mexico. This will be a sister college of UFO College USA. Gnortsmra said this has been in the works for some time.(Bboc Commission currently investigating.) He said it will be more technically oriented than its sister college. Gnortsmra said UFO College Mexico was made possible thru the generous contributions of many U.S. corporations. Though located in Mexico, the college is registered in the Caiman Islands and is owned by UFO College USA
.
Gnortsmra said, "all this was made possible by the generous economic policy of the Bush administration. Corporations are falling all over themselves to send money abroad. This is the first out sourcing of a college that I know of".

The president of UFO College Mexico will be Sister Maria Gonzoles,
* a nun and former swimsuit model. President Gonzoles is an expert in abduction dementia, a disease that some say Pres Nerglha suffers from. According to unnamed sources, Nerglha is not up to attending the opening of the college.
The Bboc Center For The Performing Arts will host opening ceremonies and Bboc himself will grace the audience with song. Gnortsmra smirked when asked about his week ."I was running for my life after Smarty lost and now look at this. Those cry babies are all worried about a minor downturn in our investments, ha! With the discovery of oil on the UFO College Mexico campus." (Bboc Commission currently investigating.) and his voice trailed off as he turned up the dial on the Language Delineator.........

* possibly Gnortsmra in drag. (Bboc Commission currently investigating.)

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BREAKING............................

Gnortsmra Proposal Met With
Campus Riots
 
"Space Bars"  Sales Generate <1% Profits After Fees

(Original document)
 (Bboc Commission currently investigating.)

Good news from the former Alumni Director of Ufo College. I have secured a contract with the Global Candy CO. that will pay UFO College 50% of sales on the popular "Space Bars" and other assorted candies. Sales forms have been sent out to all college alumni. This is a fantastic return .If all Alumni will just sell one hundred dollars worth we will be on our way financial success. Also I am proud to say that UFO College placed 1st among all colleges in financial returns on their money. The journal of College Finance called Ufo College a bold player in the investment field. Even with our financial downturn of this weekend, UFO College mean loss is less than 69% of all investments in the last 10 years. We rate number two in percentage raised in the fewest weeks. T his great accomplishment should be cherished. Even though we have had an economic downturn this weekend with the negative return on the investment on Smarty Jones, we saw fit save five hundred dollars for a rainy day fund, and this investment is gaining interest even as I write this. With your support I hope to regain my position as Alumni Director. With bold investments we shall return dark days to sunny ones. I ask all Alumni to search your basements for old furniture, tents, computers ,super 8 mm cameras to help Pres Nergala build a film studio. Lawn chairs, Army surplus tents, even size xtra large shirts will help restore confidence. Now lets get on to the challenges ahead and start by selling your global candy.

Best of Luck
Former Alumni Director ,
Robert Gnortsmra


Bboc Launches Investigation
Bboc Commission Takes Aim At Possible $$ Laundering

Recent comments by Bboc

My Dear Nerghla,

 It is amazing that life deals out such ups and downs and we as humans must adapt to the change. In watching the Belmont the full spectrum of emotions was presented to this humble human. Knowing at the start of the race that the outcome would make or break UFO College I via cyberspace, knowing the passwords and how to get by the security blocks, transferred before the race some 10,000 dollars of alumni funds and bet on the winning horse. Although we do not have enough funds to open the campus for summer classes, we do have enough to continue production of Going Down and the fence project. As for Gnortsmra..... my sources have uncovered a plot (formulated by Gnortsmra) to take the money and run. Actually, we are informed that a plane and pilot were hired for a one way trip to Coatzacoalces Mexico in the province of Tabasco. I have taken the liberty of sending several students from the Criminal Planetary Studies Program to work undercover [ for extra credit] and keep the Professor under surveillance. We will keep you informed. Bboc

 

"A treasure grove awaits across the Rio Grande to all who show penitence. Can say no more -stay with candy sales for now and send lawn chairs to the college. Must leave this place quickly"! Gnortsmra
 

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BREAKING..............Gnortsmra disappears....may have not bet the College funds on Smarty Jones. Large cash reserves from UFO College said to be stashed in Mexico.........more coming  

New Gnortsmra email........"Don't worry, candy drive in the works........."

Bboc says.........secret College $$ stashed away before race....

Gnortsmra Memorial on hold........stone carvers strike for paychecks

Smarty Jones In Yale Hostile Bid
Triple Crown win could force campus vote

BREAKING>>>>>> Several reliable sources point to Yale take over by UFO College......

email circulating about Belmont preparation....

Just a note to all UFO College investors. The Alien Language Delineator has picked up some stable chatter from Smarty. He is feeling good, said it is a little hot, looking for his pony to run with, food could be better. With another investment on Smarty, we could be in the position to buy President Nerglha Paramount Studios . The alumni fund is also considering a hostile takeover of (this must be kept quiet) Yale university. (soon to be known -ed.) UFO Yale University. Run Smarty, run.........!!    Gnortsmra

"My first act as President of UFO Yale University would be to investigate whether or not George Bush Jr. actually graduated Yale..."!  -Nerglha

Rushmore restoration nearing completion

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Smarty Jones Wins Again For UFO College
Monument For Gnortsmra Commissioned

The President of UFO College has ordered the immediate construction of a memorial monument in the likeness of Robert Gnortsmra, the brilliant Director of the UFO College Alumni Fund. In a bold but calculated move, Gnortsmra placed every last cent held in reserve by the college on Smarty Jones to win at the Preakness. "Gnortsmra has done in a single bet what used to take us years to accomplish. I see a future UFO College President here", said a stunned Nerglha. 

President Nerglha proclaimed that the monument will even be more substantial than the granite effigy built and dedicated for Dean Bboc by the college several years ago seen here..........

 

 

 

 

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eMail received before the Preakness.....

ASSOCIATED MESS

ALIEN LANGUAGE PROFESSOR USES LANGUAGE DELINEATOR TO TRANSLATE ANIMAL TALK!

Professor Robert Gnortsmra of UFO College claims his alien language delineator can decipher animal talk. Grortsmra ,who is also the colleges Alumni Fund Director, has successfully used his machine to help with the colleges investment program. "Alien language translation and animal chat are very similar in their tonal and dictional variations. I hope to use this machine to increase the colleges alumni fund three fold by listening to animal chat this week at the Preakness horse race." claims Grortsmra.

"Stable chatter has convinced me to place our bets with Smarty Jones. With these funds President Nerglha can build the film studios he so rightly deserves. With all the abductions, threatened coups, and derisive comments from the main stream media the poor main deserves this. Thanks to his trust and support we have been able to use the research gained at UFO College to help in this endeavor," said Grortsmra.

*UFO College is not, according to AP sources, accredited and has been
 known to operate outside mainstream educational guidelines.

 

Note: UFO College is approved and sanctioned by the International Association of UFO Colleges

 

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GNORTSMRA IS BACK
read the email I just received.  
Sid

GOOD NEWS!
After a hectic winter of fund raising for the college I am happy to report the Alumni Fund is in great shape. With a record amount of donations and some smart investing we now have over 1,ooo,ooo,.oo. I saw fit to bet the entire one hundred thousand dollars raised on this weeks {on a hot tip of course} Kentucky Derby. The college invested on Smarty Jones to win. After consultation with my investment advisors we will do the same on the next race. Smarty Jones to win in the Preakness. We will continue to build for the future with our wise investments.
I know the college will be proud of the new film studios you will be able to build with this investment.

Sincerely,

ROBERT GNORTSMRA
ALUMNI FUND DIRECTOR
UFO College
www.ufocollege.com

 

comment:   No, No, No.....don't bet on Smarty -he may hit his head again! Take the Money and Run! We need a Special Effects studio set before shooting begins and Smarty doesn't give a horses ass if we do or not! sid
 

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Friends of MonkeyTV.com Productions,

Just a quick update on this summer's "Goin' Down" film production.

Great news! We have signed  the famous William Phenobula for a lead roll in "Goin' Down". He will also be available to chauffeur other film stars around the MonkeyTV.com Studio grounds and to their personal appointments.

Dean Bboc has also signed on, although MonkeyTV.com Productions had to go over budget to get him. He will be on the set for at least a month and will be available for Assistant Director duties. He promises to debut at least 10 characters in the film, complete with costumes. He will also provide some background music for inclusion in the film.

Dr. Jack Muzun has expressed an interest in signing on as an Actor/Technical Director... but has yet to commit. According to Muzun, he has had to resort to working deep in the "Rock Mines" of So. Calif. this past year because of the California economy and the killer costs associated with living out there. Because of this, he may not be able to take the required time off to fly to the MonkeyTV.com Studios. Sad indeed to not have a Technical Director on site, but filming must go on. If Dr. Muzun decides once again that "it's all dumb shit" out there, heads East, and signs on, you will be first to know.

Just In! Zip Zeplin (
http://www.monkeytv.com/media/moreevidencewmv.wmv) has also agreed to star in "Goin' Down" and has indicated that he will be providing actual UFO wreckage for the Film. "No special effects will be needed for the film", according to Zip. "The Whitehouse will want to pre-screen "Goin' Down" once they get wind of what I've got", said Zip. Zip will also be available for autographs at the end of each day's shoot!

I have not heard from Dr. Gnortsmra....promised us production $$ as the UFO College Alumni Director, but we haven't seen a dime. Some say he's been missing since last fall....an alien abduction thing. If we find him and get him to sign on it will cost us "the big bucks" now, no doubt. updated 5/03/04 -see above

Done Deal.....The Providence Railroad will be leasing one of their trains to us for the shoot  -4 locomotive diesels and 20 box cars. They will bring the train through our studio backlot twice each day, once heading east and once heading west. This is costing us, so keep sending in your donations....

Construction of the main "Goin' Down" studio set has begun. The "actors" trailer has been moved into position and the refrigerator has been tested and approved for a variety ice cold liquids. We have purchased additional halide lights, batteries, and DV tape for the shoot. The studio's backlot is also being readied for the many intense action shots that Director Nerglha is planning.

"Aliens, planes, trains, and bullets will bring the film an Academy -our audience and fans demand it,  and we will give them nothing less", says Nerglha.

 

 
 More updates soon!

 

We're all Goin' Down....,
 
Sid Silvertein, Producer
 

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UFO College Parties On Mars
Celebrates Mars Rovers Success



Thanks to our friends and colleagues
for helping make this Mars landing possible!

College Hires Men In Black
Threats Necessitate Increased Security


Recent threats from the Whitehouse concerning UFO College activities to dispel false truths about the events leading up to and the implementation of The Patriot Act have forced the College to hire a security team to protect both students and faculty from increased harassment from government officials. UFO College President, Dr. A.l. Ien said this past week, "the best way to protect our interests was to hire a Men In Black security team from within the current government, and that is what we have done."  It appears to have been successful -email spam to the College from Bush, Rumsfeld, and Ashcroft have now stopped.

SummerFest Gets Underway
Bboc Opens Ceremonies

Arriving with Coast Guard protection, Dr. Phillip Bboc returned triumphantly to the UFO College Island Campus this past week to open the 2004 UFO College SummerFest.  18,000+ alumni and students are expected to join in the week-long ceremonies.  MORE PICS

 

 

UFO College Dedicates New Cafeteria
Dr. Namgreb Announces
New Meal Plan

Several thousand students, faculty and administration attended dedication ceremonies this past weekend for the newest addition to UFO College's Earth campus. Master of ceremonies and newly appointed Professor of Gastronomy and Master Chef, Dr. Eric Namgreb, toasted the College for its dedication to excellence in fast food preparation,  and for receiving top international awards for advanced genetic engineering of hops, barley, and malt.  Much of the credit for the College's recent achievements are (according to most in attendance) the result of a 5 year search for a gastro expert, a connoisseur of the palate's delight , most notably the Food Doctor himself, Eric Namgreb. Although all 10 courses to be taught this coming semester by Namgreb are filled, scalping of seating assignments is reported hot and furious -the right $$ bid will most often get you in. See course descriptions, and Pics of new Cafeteria and lounge. CLICK HERE

 

UFO College Snags Gastronomist
Will teach and direct the College cafeteria

    Intense worldwide competition for the services of the world's foremost chef and professor of gastronomical studies, Eric  Namgreb, P.H.D., D.V.D., CD-RW, has concluded with the appointment to the position of lead chef, cafeteria worker, and adjunct Professor of Food and Beer of UFO College. Dr. Namgreb specializes in many gastronomical disciplines including grilling, barbecue, rare beers, and vomit retention. UFO College president, A. Lien, announced the College appointment this past Saturday at the College's weekly beer and food fest. One student remarked, "finally, no more hot dogs as the only main course in the cafe"! Enrollment at the college is expected to rise as Dr. Namgreb is known to have a huge following of devoted disciples, and that many will enroll at the college just to partake in his unique cuisine.

Winter Fest "Rocks"
Faculty and Staff Welcome 2003
   
In a fresh pack of snow, UFO College faculty and staff celebrated the dawn of the year 2003 in usual fashion -good food, beverage and saucer rides. Most agreed that it will be a year of turmoil with an Oil-Can George VS Saddam war, increasing unemployment, oil and gas shortages, higher taxes on goods, services and beer, and an epidemic of TV and Radio garbage designed to lull the masses to sleep! Enrollment and enthusiasm continue to rise at the College as many newly unemployed seek alternatives to the status quo.

 

Bell awarded Honorary Doctorate
UFO College Annual Art Bell Fest

  
Retired talk show radio host, Art Bell, received this past week a UFO College Honorary Doctorate in UFO Ham Radio Repair for recognition and outstanding service to family, friends and the general public. Many of Art's guests and co-hosts  from his classic show, Dreamland, and the late night talk show, Coast to Coast AM, attended the awards fest, most notably -Gordon-Michael Scallion, Richard C. Hoagland,  Linda Howe, Whitley Strieber, Barbara Simpson, Dr. Michio Kaku, and Art's Coast to Coast replacement, George Noory. Rumors circulated at the ceremony that Art retired from Coast to Coast in order to accept the Chief Librarian position at the UFO College Art Bell Library. Although College officials and Dr. Bell are not commenting, unnamed sources verified that  secret negotiations have taken place in Connecticut (an old stomp'n ground for Art) over the last several weeks and that Art was in attendance.

 Previous UFO College News CLICK HERE
 

 

 
 

 

 

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